


Yearning

by anderperrysupremacist



Series: Anderperry April [2]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Anxiety, Food, M/M, Vomiting, anderperryapril
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 15:28:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anderperrysupremacist/pseuds/anderperrysupremacist
Summary: Neil is away for the weekend with his parents. While he's gone, Todd begins to realize his true feelings towards Neil.





	Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> Anderperry April — Day Five: Pining

It was 6 P.M., and Todd, per usual, was writing and doodling in his notebook. Neil was away for the weekend on a trip with his parents. Todd was lonely without Neil there; so much so that he'd barely even left their dorm that weekend. He stopped showing up for meals in the dining hall, and he wasn't sleeping. When he did try to go to bed at night, he only got about an hour or so of rest before waking up. The boys were starting to worry about him. They could tell when they saw him that he wasn't doing well; he had a sad look in his eyes. They had been trying to get him out of the dorms and outside to go do things with them, but nothing was working. Luckily, they weren't out of ideas yet.  
There was a knock on the door, and Todd sighed. He knew it who it was.  
"Charlie, I told you I don't want to go out."  
"Can you just open the door?"  
Todd groaned, getting up from his bed and stomping over to the door. He unlocked and opened it to see Charlie standing there.  
"What?" Todd asked harshly, crossing his arms in annoyance.  
"We're taking you out."  
Todd sighed angrily.  
"For the last time, I don't want to go anywhere!"  
"You're going to lose yourself if you keep staying in all day."  
"I've already lost a part of me, Charlie—"  
"You what?"  
"N—nothing. Can you just go?"  
"I'm not going anywhere without you. I'm taking you to dinner with the others and you're not allowed to say no."  
"Fine. Where are we going?"  
"Wherever you want to go."  
"I'm not even hungry, so I don't care where we go."  
"Alright, we'll figure it out. Come on."  
Todd and Charlie walked out of the dorms towards the front of the school. The others were already there. Upon seeing Todd, they all rushed up to him.  
"Hi," Todd said quietly.  
"Hey, how are you doing?" Knox asked. He put his hand on Todd's shoulder, but Todd pulled away.  
"I'm fine," he replied quickly. There was a coldness to his voice that the others had never heard before.  
"You guys can decide where we go eat. I'm not hungry, so I don't care."  
The others all shared a worried look with each other.  
"Give us a minute," Charlie said abruptly, grabbing Todd's arm and pulling him aside so the others wouldn't hear. He put his hands on Todd's shoulders and leaned in a little.  
"What—"  
"Have you been eating?"  
"Charlie—"  
"Be honest."  
Todd looked down at the ground. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve.  
"No."  
"Is something else going on?"  
"Can we talk about this later?"  
"Todd, I'm worried about you. All of us are."  
"I can't tell you guys what's going on with me. I don't even know what's going on with me."  
Charlie gave Todd a worried look.  
"I'll tell you what's going on when I know."  
Charlie sighed.  
"Okay."  
Todd and Charlie walked back over to the others. They debated where to go eat for a few minutes until finally deciding on Olive Garden; italian food was a favorite among all of them.

**

The boys had all been devouring their meals; except for Todd. He kept twirling his pasta around his fork, undoing the pasta web, and twirling the pasta again. He'd been at this for a while before someone spoke up—of course, that someone was Charlie, who was seated next to Todd at their table.  
"Please eat, okay? You don't have to eat a whole lot. Just take a few bites. Please?"  
"I said I didn't want anything."  
"I know, but you need to at least eat a little bit, okay? Please?"  
"I'm too tired and sad to eat."  
"You haven't been sleeping?" Knox asked.  
"I've only getting about an hour every night since Neil—"  
Todd stopped and blinked hard to try and stop himself from crying.  
"Since Neil—"  
Again, he had to stop and try and compose himself. His fork clanged on his plate as he let it go and put his hands over his face.  
Charlie put an arm around him and pulled him closer.  
"It's okay, pal. It's okay."  
"No, it's not. He's only gone for the weekend. I don't get this."  
"You guys are really close, yeah?"  
"Don't get me wrong, I love you guys and you're all my friends, but Neil is my best friend."  
"No offense taken. It's okay to miss him."  
"If you guys would excuse me, I need a minute or two to be alone."  
"Of course."  
"Thanks."  
Todd wiped his eyes, got up from the table and headed for the bathroom. He went into the nearest stall and just sat for a few minutes as he tried to collect himself and piece together what his feelings might really mean.  
Boys don't like boys.  
Right?  
Or do they?  
He went through all of the interactions they'd had recently, leading up to the day Neil left. Now that he thought about it, there were signs that maybe Neil was in love with him; like at the coffee shop. Todd remembered the exact moment Neil had said he was "nice to look at." He'd ordered Todd's coffee for him, he'd calmed him down when he was getting nervous and found them a table. Maybe Neil was just being a good friend; maybe all that was something more.  
All Todd knew was that that scared him. He grew up being taught that it was never okay for a boy to like another boy that way. What if he did like Neil that way? What if Neil liked him back that way?  
Would he be able to ask Neil about it, or would Neil be disgusted with the idea?  
Todd started feeling physically ill thinking about all these things. He was too scared to leave the stall, but he didn't want the others to worry. He pulled out his phone and texted Charlie:

feeling like i'm gonna puke. help? getting sick scares me

Charlie responsed almost immediately:

be there in a flash. bringing you a glass of water.

Todd went out of the stall and looked at himself in one of the mirrors.  
"Christ, Anderson, you really do look like shit," he muttered to himself.  
It was then that the bathroom door flew open. It was Charlie. He had brought Todd's glass of water with him.  
"Hi," he said quickly, handing him the water, "maybe that'll help. Don't chug it. Just drink slowly."  
"Thanks," Todd replied, taking the water.  
Charlie was observing Todd pretty closely; he did that a lot when someone got nervous, especially Todd.  
"Your hands are shaking."  
"I know. It's an anxiety thing."  
"Why are you anxious?"  
"There's a lot going on in my head right now."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No," Todd answered quickly.  
"Just tell me if you change your mind. Drink some water."  
Todd nodded and took a few big gulps of water. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve.  
"Any better?"  
"Yeah."  
"You already look a lot better. I know anxiety is exhausting; do you want to leave?"  
"If that's okay with the others, yeah, I'm kind of overwhelmed."  
"I'm sure that'll be fine. Let me go talk to them."  
Charlie turned to leave, but Todd grabbed his arm.  
"Charlie?"  
Charlie turned back around.  
"Yeah?"  
"Thank you."  
"Of course."

**

The boys arrived back at Welton around 7:30. It wasn't too late yet, but they were all tired, so they decided they would all go separate ways once they reached the front of the school. They all hugged and said their goodbyes and disappeared to their dorms.  
Todd was walking a lot slower than usual. He was so tired in every single way possible. There was also no good reason for him to rush back to his dorm. He had barely been sleeping anyway, and since his best friend and roommate was gone, he had no one to talk to. All he could do was write or doodle and wait for his eyes to get heavy enough for him to sleep for an hour.  
Todd eventually reached his dorm room. He went to unlock the door, but it wasn't locked. The door swung open. Todd was in such a state of shock that he stood in the doorway, frozen, for a few minutes. Neil was standing in the middle of the dorm room.  
"What—what's going on—why are you home? How are you home?"  
Neil went up to Todd and put a hand on his shoulder. The other hand was behind his back; he was hiding something, but Todd was too in shock to notice.  
"I came home early."  
"I don't understand—how did you come  
home early? Did you lie?"  
"Todd, it's okay. I didn't lie. I would never do that to you. Charlie has been texting me the whole time and telling me how much you've been hurting, so I came home early."  
"How—how did you get here so soon? I thought you had to take a plane, and—"  
"Todd, just relax. It's okay. I took a bus this morning. I got here while you guys were at dinner. That's why Charlie and the others took you out. I wanted to be here to surprise you when you got back."  
"You did all this for me?"  
"Charlie called me in tears because he was so worried about you. He told me everything that's been going on with you, and I knew you needed me."  
Todd started to cry.  
"Don't cry, it's okay. I'm here now. Oh, hey, I got you something."  
Todd wiped his eyes.  
"What is it?"  
Neil pulled out a small box from behind his back and handed it to Todd. He opened it.  
Two rings were inside.  
"I got us promise rings."  
"You can't be serious—I don't even know what to say."  
"Todd, can I ask you a question?"  
"Uh, sure."  
"Will you be my boyfriend?"  
"What? Are you being serious right now?"  
"Definitely."  
Todd giggled.  
"Yes, I will."  
Neil smiled.  
Todd handed the box back to Neil. He pulled one of the rings out.  
"Which hand and finger?"  
"Left hand, ring finger."  
"Nice," Neil said as he slipped the promise ring on Todd's finger.  
"Do you want yours the same?"  
"Yeah, sure."  
Todd pulled out the other ring and did the same for Neil.  
"Hey, Todd?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I think you're pretty great."  
"I think you're pretty great, too."


End file.
